The Language of Emotions.

Hi,

How are you? It's been a while so let's take a moment to reconnect.... I want to focus on language and how we approach things differently depending on who we are and what our experiences to date are. If someone approached us with a maths A level question the chances are as a collective we would break out into a sweat and not know where to start. We would become anxious and feel inadequate. We could become vocal and point out that very few would be able to answer the question thereby justifying our anger at being put in the situation of having no understanding of the question, thereby making us extremely vulnerable. So here's the question, would we use the same thought process and reasoning if someone asked us about our emotions? For a lot of people being asked the question: "How are you?" "Tell me what are you thinking?" "How does that make you feel?" "How do you want to feel?" Can have the same triggers and effect that the maths question can have. For both are languages one logical and the other emotional. We do not break it down like this however and we expect or assume in this age that everyone can tap into their emotions. I mean we all have emojis right? But answering something in just 100 characters or with a picture has us distanced from the real conversation as it can be done without being in the moment. There is no eye contact being made, you can put what you think people want to see to avoid the truth and judgement. If people struggle to answer the question then we naturally take the stance they are hiding something, they don't trust us or love us enough to share these thoughts or that they cannot be bothered when the truth could simply be they don't know how to answer, they don't know how to express how they feel, they are so scared by not being able to put into words what they feel, that they simply freeze. The reasons for feeling this way are plentiful. Maybe they have been raised a certain way where to show or speak about emotions is seen as a weakness. They may have experience of people being bullied or ridiculed for showing how they feel so the behaviour to not express emotion is a deep rooted one. They may have lived a life where no one ever asked them how they felt, no one cared enough to ask or even listen. It could be in this world of social media the risk of showing anything other than perfection has then terrified and in fear of any judgement, a plastic unfulfilled life may be the only setting they know. Insecurity, fear, imposter syndrome, lack of self confidence, abuse, loneliness, grief, anxiety and many other actual feelings could be holding people back from facing into how they really feel and what they are genuinely thinking. If you or someone you know falls into this scenario then follow some simple steps... 1) Pause , give them time to answer you - don't jump in with another question. 2) Look - read their body language, what are they saying via their signals to us. 3) Think - put yourself in their shoes. If someone started to speak to you in a foreign language how would you feel, react? How would you like to be supported in order to help you answer the question? 4) Recognise - When someone is unable to vocalise how they feel it's not about YOU ! So sensor check your own triggers as you may display a body language gesture that fuels the situation rather than supports it. 5) Acknowledge - at a time that is calm and non time sensitive broach the subject with the person and check in with them. If they find it difficult to discuss emotional thoughts and feelings give them the platform to say this. Don't try to fix them in one conversation, just by working with them on acknowledging this can be a relief in itself and thereby remove the stress and anxiety they feel. This is a journey not a quick fix. 6) Support - if you or a person you know feels like support would help them improve and that they want to be able to express themselves in a more natural, honest, relaxed way then reach out to me at:

www.journeylifecoaching.co.uk I am here to help with a tailored programme enabling people to be the best version of themselves. We don't think twice about getting a tutor to support with our maths or with a new language like French or Spanish so why would we not get the same tuition for our emotional language. It could make the world an easier place to connect with.

Thanks for listening and let me know how you felt after reading this.